Today’s story is about the complex relationships we have with our family and how loss of family members impacts on our lives and also on our relationships with others. Our author talks of who she turned to for support when she needed it the most and how we often find our friends in unlikely places. I believe friends are the family we choose for ourselves and this story highlights that.
I wish the author well. She has been through a lot and is honest about her struggles; describing feelings of despair. I hope in sharing her story she gains strength, support and the encouragement to fight another day.
My Story of Loss for Lotty Lollipop
My name is Lisa and it seems that I have known loss since I was born. Some would say that this sounds a little melodramatic but I felt alone a lot of the time.
Even before I was born I had lost both of my Grandparents on my Father’s side. I would have so loved to meet them.
Then my Mother’s parents both passed away by the time I was aged 7. I don’t have any memories of my Grandmother but I loved my Grandad. He idolised me and because I stayed with them while my Mom was at work, I went everywhere with him. My favourite memory is going out with him, bucket & shovel in hand to collect horse manure to feed his roses. Now my favourite rose is Blue Moon which was my Grandfathers too.
By the age of 9, after my sister who was 12 years older than me got married, it left just me and my parents. My mother suffered with her health since I was born. We never had a normal Mother – Daughter relationship. I always felt I was in the way and was quite often told to go out and play but never had anyone to play with and so would end up sitting in the railings around the park which was across the road from our house, along with our dog, Cindy. After a few months, I did meet a girl, about 7 years older than me, who invited me to go home with her. Her family was lovely and I spent many hours with her and her family over the following years.
In 1984, we moved and I was back to been alone again. In my Mother’s eyes, I could never do right for doing wrong. I met my boyfriend in 1988 and that gave me the love and friendship I needed. As the years passed, my Mother’s health deteriorated and I found myself wishing she would pass away, horrible I know but I always seemed to be walking on egg shells whenever she was around. In 1993, she passed away. I felt nothing but relief and didn’t even cry at the funeral, some people may call me heartless.
I was then left with only my Father who I adored and my boyfriend who I loved very much. My Father came out of his shell, was able to do what he wanted to and became more adventurous and when on trips and holidays with his bowling team and also with my Aunt & Uncle. Sadly in 1999, my Father passed away and this time I was devastated. I loved him so very much. I was now an orphan.
Now that I was grown-up I did have a better relationship with my Sister but she only seemed to see me when she wanted something. I now felt that my Boyfriend was my rock.
I loved our pets, 2 cats & 1 dog. Sadly one of our cats had to be put to sleep. Our life seem to carry on a normal for a while, then in 2004 thinks seemed to go downhill with my boyfriend & I. I was worried something was wrong but was hoping my doubts were unfounded. Anyway in May 2005, he told me he did not love me anymore and he was leaving. I found out sometime later that there had been another woman. I felt so very hurt.
So, that left just me and my pets. In the next 12 months, both my cat and dog had to be put to sleep due to ill health. I was alone once again.
That was my breaking point. In November of 2006 I fell apart. I could not cope with going out, scared of everything and hardly ate. The surprising thing was that my ex-boyfriend was the one person who spoke to me every day, made sure I had eaten and over 9 weeks, brought me back from the brink of severe depression.
I know this may sound strange, but I know live with my ex, just as friend but needed to sell my home as I could not afford to keep it. He was there to help me through my first knee operation.
In 2012, my sister stopped talking to me, along with her 2 daughters. In 2013, I underwent a second knee operation. Due to medical error, 2 weeks later I suffered a Pulmonary Embolism, which very nearly killed me. If it had not been for my ex, and his quick thinking and sending for an ambulance, I would have died. I will be eternally grateful for him saving me. Since this, my health has gone downhill and I am now disabled, with many illnesses, which have now robbed me of my life at the age of 46. Some days I wish I had not survived my PE with how ill I feel but now know that I have the love and support of my ex-boyfriend as my best friend.
If you would like to send in your story of grief, loss, friendship, mental health or a story of hope please message me: email@example.com
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