We have another heart-wrenching, honest account of loss for you today.  A story of  joy at new life quickly turned to pain as, cruelly, the author gained a son and lost her father on the same day; the same day!  I cannot begin to imagine how that must feel on what would already be such an emotional day, the birth of a child.  I can relate to the author’s response, to hold it all together and be the strong one, the organiser and the one in control but when the need for that strength diminishes slightly, when the chaos naturally begins to calm, what of the strong one?  What keeps you going then?  I know that feeling.  Standing on the edge of a pit of emotions you’ve tried desperately to push back and be strong for everyone else.  Our author talks about this ’emptiness’ and of the continuing pain of losing her dad:

‘2 years on…. I feel angry sometimes, I feel sad, I feel scared…. scared that the rest of my life is not with My Dad …’

Please take a moment to read today’s blog and feel free to comment your messages of support on the post on Face Book or on lottylollipop.com

I hope all of our blog contributors feel empowered by sharing and feel the support and love of everyone in the Lotty Lollipop community xxx

 

Hello x

I lost my Dad unexpectedly 3 weeks to the very day my son was born.

My Dad had wanted to be a Grandad for quite a few years. I still remember when I told him I was pregnant. We were both so overwhelmed. The day he visited my little boy ‘Kenzi’ he brought a balloon and as soon as he held him, we could all see how besotted he was.

The evening I got a call, I made my way to my parents home….. instinct took over…. I knew he was gone…. but I couldn’t stop myself playing out another version of events.

Worse day of my life! Shock, fear, but something else took over… I was breast feeding my three week old son, I was worried my Mum wouldn’t cope, I had a Brother to be there for, I stepped up, breastfeeding round the clock 24/7, sorting out everything for Mum and Dad.  When there was nothing else to ‘sort out’ emptiness, I smiled and laughed, because my son gave me those emotions, I had home treatment teams, Cruise, my Doctor etc trying to ‘help’ people saying it gets easier….

2 years on…. I feel angry sometimes, I feel sad, I feel scared…. scared that the rest of my life is not with My Dad where I can see him! I miss him driving me crazy… texting me for fish food?, I miss his voice but most of all his cuddles… no one else cuddles quite the same! I miss his smell, I now know that I’ll live forever with pain and that pain is ok…. reminds me of just how much I loved another person…. My Dad, someone I adored, idolised…someone I will never stop missing x

Sometimes it catches my breath away…a song… a smell…. someone who looks a little like him or the same characteristics.

Tears threaten at any given time x I’m forever grateful I was lucky enough to have that man… and that man was my Dad xxx

 If you would like to send in your story of grief, loss, friendship, mental health or a story of hope please message me: blog@lottylollipop.com

Your story will be published here and on our Instagram feed and  Lotty Lollipop facebook page.  As a thank you we will also send you a Rainbow Fairy Wish free of charge.

We would love to hear from you.