Losing My Husband

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Losing My Husband

Today’s story is beautiful albeit tinged with sadness.  It is an honest story about the loss of our author’s husband, her soulmate, and how she has struggled since.  She shares where and how she has found comfort and hope since.

I wish her well for the future and admire her attitude and courage…. “I know I am going to be ok. I know my love and I will be reunited in Heaven one day. xxx “

 

I lost my husband a year ago.  We were married 40 years, together for 45.  I still find it really hard to use the past tense when I am talking about him.  We have been together 45 wonderful years sounds much better to me. The strange thing is we are still together.  He is always with me. I sense him around me all the time, at home, by his grave, when I am at some of our favourite places.  Just yesterday I found white feathers floating down to me more than three times. I really believe that is a sign that he is with me.  I feel him in my heart.

 

We met when we were 15.  It was love at first sight.  I know people say that all the time but this really was a whirlwind, I fell really hard.  We were best friends. We made each other laugh. We were never blessed with children (we had fun trying though!) so it was just us, a team, the A team we used to call ourselves.  

 

He died suddenly.  I take some comfort from this, which is strange as I have never understood when people say that but I really do.  He didn’t suffer. We didn’t see it coming. He was there one day and not the next. We didn’t really have any firm funeral plans but I found organising the funeral and focussing on that one thing helped me to get through the dark days straight after.  I talked to him, asked him what he would like. In my mind I could hear him telling me. He would have liked it. The church was packed and afterwards so was the pub too – it was a smashing party and a celebration of a great man. My man.  My world.

 

The hardest thing to deal with is the lonliness.  The nights when I am on my own. The days when I can’t leave the house because I can’t get dressed.  It hurts so much some days. My doctor suggested I talk to a grief counsellor but that’s not for me so I opened up to my best friend.  She suggested I get a dog. Strange answer I thought! I thought about it and it made sense. I don’t know why John and I didn’t get a dog.  We always wanted to but we had a lot of holidays and both worked and it just didn’t happen. I threw myself into researching types of dog and in the end, whilst talking to John by his grave, we knew we had to get a rescue dog so that is where I am now, getting up every day going to my local rescue centre and helping out.  I went in to go and get a dog and came out a volunteer. What a difference it has made to my life having the dogs and a job and I know John is happy for me, it is the kind of impulsive thing we would have done together! I am still going to get a dog. Like with John, when the right one comes in I will just know!

 

I hope this okay for you, I am sorry I do not have much advice for anyone but I hope my story can help.  I know I am going to be ok. I know my love and I will be reunited in Heaven one day. xxx

By |2018-07-19T15:45:04+00:00July 19th, 2018|blog, depression, grief, grief story|0 Comments

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